Another Year Gone By

It's been over a year again, and I suppose I have a problem with consistency. But I'm not going to apologize. I'm not going to feel like I have to apologize. Life goes on whether it's part of my script or not. I cannot possibly script life as it happens. It just happens, and, for that, I am grateful.

A friend once told me that my biggest problem is that I want my life to be scripted a certain way, and, if the things that I want in the script are not in my life, the way I want those things to be, then I'd rather do without those things. My friend also said that I am pretty righteous, that I am pretty clean, except for the blotch of dirt in my face. Get rid of the dirt, and then I can see.

I want to begin today doing better, and perhaps tomorrow I will be better, and, in time, perhaps I will be the best me that I can be. Today Elder Jeffrey Holland, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, visited the Richfield Stake, my Stake. I now wish to write down the experience as I remember it before the memory flees.

He first started out by saying that we have a major problem; the Stakes in Richfield most grow, and it cannot be from without. It must start from within. We must love each other like a family so that we can grow as a family. The most certain thing he knew was that the Lord's Kingdom was going to grow and flourish and that we had to part of that. We might not always be able to depend on governments, economies, and state and federal leaders to pull us through life without frustrations, cruelties, trials and tribulations of disarray. But we can depend on the fact that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints will never again fall into apostasy, that Daniel's prophecy has been fulfilled in these latter days and the rock cut out without hands will roll forth and grow until the Kingdom of God fills the Earth, when the Lord reigns and peace again will be established. Holland remarked that he does not know when that day is upon us, but knows that, with every passing day, we are closer to that last day when Christ will return. Therefore, we can trust and have hope in that.

His message soon turned to the scriptures, to the account when Christ visited His people in the Mesoamerican continent. He said that there are 14 chapter therein that cover the visit and the teachings that Christ gave while there. At the end of this 14 chapter sermon, Christ says that he must ascend to the Father and then visit the Lost Ten Tribes. He tells the people to return home and ponder the things He has said until He returns on the morrow. However, Jesus perceives that they are weak and hard of understanding and want Him to tarry longer with them. Jesus feels compassion for them and asks them to bring forth their sick and lame to Him so that He might heal them. Holland likened those scriptures to us, the members of the Richfield Stake.  He informed us that because of the growing membership of the Church, the Prophet and Apostles would no longer be as able to visit us as regularly and as spontaneously as before, but that he had compassion on the Richfield Stake and wanted to invoke a blessing upon us.

He acknowledged our faith, through the good and bad years, and concluded by echoing the promise given by the Lord: Ask and ye shall receive; knock and it shall be opened unto you. He added that all the blessings that have been promised to us in our life will all be fulfilled, that none will become void or obsolete, and that it is just a matter of when and how those fulfillments will come. I suddenly felt very hopeful and trusted that the Lord would still bless me and fulfill my righteous desires. I will marry again and raise a family.

It's Time for a New Face

It's been shy of one year since last I wrote an entry here. First, it was meant as a family journal that reflected important events in my family history, then it became a means of therapy to help me get through marriage to that family, and then therapy to help me get through a divorce to that family. And I guess after that, to coin a phrase used by Mr. Beale in the movie Network, I just ran out of bullshit to talk about.

That's not necessarily true.

I've wavered a bit, but I still hold true to my values. I just had to clear out the cobwebs so I could see what I actually believe. I believe that I should of never left California, but since I did, I need to either stay in Utah, or at least not return to live permanently in California. I can't go back to the way things used to be.

I should of never married Jessica, but since I did, I should of stayed married to her. I should of worked it out still. I shouldn't had settled for the easy way out. But now that I've divorced her, I can't go back to her. I can't go back to the way things used to be.

Things must change. It is time for a new face.

I  believe strongly in the church and that's where I'll begin. My belief is not a result of ignorance, but a desire to seek after peace. God is peace and he created me to be peaceful. It is whenever I stray from Him that I lose my sense of peace.

I've decided then that every Sunday I will reflect on what I am learning from church. I will try to be objective as possible in my approach.

Today began the discussion of the Old Testament; it is inclusive of the Peal of Great Price since the Pearl of Great Price elaborates the stories of  both Abraham and Moses that are found in the Old Testament scriptures.

Some Christians may consider this addition of scripture to be an "adding of" that is in violation to the words spoken in the book of Revelations by the disciple John:
For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book, If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book:

And if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book. (Revelations 22:18-19)

It is apparent, however, that John was speaking specifically of the book of Revelations and all the prophecies found therein. To argue that God did not visit others beside John, nor endue them with visions and prophecies similar to John's, is ridiculous. Of course we are talking about Moses, a great prophet who saw much more than what was recorded in the book of Exodus. I would argue that he too saw what John saw, but it was required of John to write of it. Through the canker of time the Old and New Testament scriptures through multiple translations would lose some of the truths written about therein. But if you believe in the book of Revelations, then you will believe in these other books of scriptures found in the Pearl of Great Price. I would argue that we have received a little amount of the totality of scriptures that had been written. We should be grateful for what God has entrusted to us, for those who are without will surely fall into apostasy.

The first chapter of Moses records the account of the vision that Moses had in the desert when he saw God "face to face," and elaborates the account found in Exodus. Other chapters of Moses further elaborate scriptures that have been written in Genesis, and for that reason, the book of Moses is placed before the book of Abraham in the Pearl of Great Price.

Some things to note in this account are:

• our godhood status as children of God
• the role of Jesus
• the reality of Satan
• the purposes of God

(http://www.lds.org/scriptures/pgp/moses/1?lang=eng)

In church today we also talked about new year resolutions, and gleaned from a talk given by President Henry B. Eyring, titled: Help Them Aim High ( http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/10/help-them-aim-high?lang=eng). In his talk Eyring addressed the importance of rearing children up in the gospel and shared how he personally helped his children see their growth in gospel principles. It was a touching talk that I read all the way through to myself as the other brethren talked about their own personal experiences. I felt envious and thought: where are my children? And would I be able to implement to them the same thing that Eyring implemented to his children? I am a son of God; I am a son of Jimmie Alvin Nelson; but who is a son of me?

"Be[an] ye perfect[?]"That's Bean-tastic!

Okay, so it took me a few hours to finally "wake up" and hear the good news.... I missed most of Sacrament, and dozed off in Sunday School (the teacher's voice was so soft and soothing that I couldn't help myself). But I was fully alert during Elders' Quorum. I want to write a few things down before my week gets busy and I forget the particular promptings I felt this day.

In Elders' Quorum we continued learning from the teachings of President Snow. Chapter Six talked about becoming perfect in the Lord and the teacher pointed out a few interesting things.

1. It is a commandment to be perfect.
2. Perfection is obtainable.
3. Parts of our character have already been perfected.

First, it is a commandment to be perfect. Countless scriptures attest to this as the Lord ushers in the first step towards perfection with his continual gentle reminder for all of us to repent and become better. In the New Testament, specifically in the book of Matthew, Christ says that we should be perfect like the Father. After his resurrection and ascension to His Father, Christ returns to the American continent and utters a similar challenge to the Mesoamerican people, a people Mormon theology refers to as Nephites and Lamanites. He says that they too should be perfect like their Father in Heaven, but also like Himself, who at this time had finally finished the work of the great atonement and had now received a fullness, or completeness of our Father's glory. This account is recorded in the Book of Mormon. You will also find similar encouragement from our Savior in various sections throughout the Doctrine and Covenants.

Second, perfection is attainable. This idea is a bit overlooked and certainly glossed over as our society and culture embraces human flaws and differences. We embrace the notion that we are no better than the animals and so are justified in acting like one. As with such thinking, society believes it is okay to appease our natural instincts and desires in this life. Why else would we have them, they reason, if not to indulge them? This of course is one extreme in society. The other extreme, the more predominantly Christian side, would argue that we cannot be perfect without Christ and His grace, no matter what good actions we procure from living the Gospel, and therefore it is simply enough to believe in Christ. But if we are indeed commanded to be perfect, and since Nephi tells us that the Lord does not give us a commandment without first providing a way for that commandment to be accomplished, then it would seem that we are meant to work on that perfection now in this life, and not just wait until the next.

Third, parts of our character have already been perfected and can/will be perfected in this life (if that is what we choose to do). You must consider this in terms of finding perfection or completeness in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is in fact like a puzzle, and that puzzle is broken down into a bunch of puzzle pieces. Well, these puzzle pieces represent the commandments that make up the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Once you are able to master complete obedience to a given commandment, then that puzzle piece is already set as part of the puzzle and your perfection in that one commandment is complete. However, there are multiple puzzle pieces, or commandments, that also must be achieved in order for the puzzle to be complete.

So then what does my puzzle of the Gospel of Jesus Christ look like? Is it complete, or are there holes, spaces that are missing their appropriate puzzle piece? It is hard to say, since living the Gospel of Jesus Chris is like climbing a steep mountain day in and day out. If you get tired and slip, then you have to re-climb the parts of the mountain that you have already climbed. I suppose it is okay to slip from time to time, as long as you continue to climb and eventually climb passed those places where you slipped. (Note: If you are unable to get passed the slippage, then seek help from a Higher Power)You have to hold on, and as Nephi says, "endure to the end. Perfection is just as simple as climbing a tall, steep mountain, but also just as difficult. 

The Parable of the Bean

From the Master's hand

Scattered through the land

Seeds of everything.

It's something so grand

When each takes a stand

And brings their offering.

 

To a garden unmatched

A scheme only hatched

In time long suffering.

Dug deep and attached

A root bruised and patched

By a tough weedling.

 

This root will be

A simple bean

After much suffering.

And you will see

What I mean

After the buffering .

 

Don't be cheap,

Dig the bean deep

With the bacterial.

And you will reap

Beans to the heap

In fertile material.

 

And similar to life

We go trough strife

No matter how planted.

If we approach with rife

Our every single trife

Our better not be granted.

 

Dig deep and embrace

What you feel to disgrace

'Tis there to help you grow.

Stand firm in your place

Shine the light from your face

Truth you will come to  know.

 

Only applied pressure

Will make a Bean grow.

Log Dos

     I was late again, even with the change in time. I found my nice, comfy seat at the foyer, plumped down onto it's cushion, and listened.The woman speaker spoke of patriarchal blessings. And as she went through her talk, my mind wondered what had become of my patriarchal blessing. I had not read it for quite some time. I think it had at least been a year, if not longer.
     She said that it would help you during your darker times in your life. This touched my senses. I had questions, and it was a certainly a darker time in my life, post divorce and all, when again I questioned myself and my abilities. I had the thought that I was a child in a man's body, or better yet, I comtemplated that the age of my spirit was being surpassed by my physical age of 34. Which made sense to me as I recalled when I was younger always feeling older than I really was. See, it was my spirit body that was really older. Now, I'm in reverse and appear older than my spirit body.
     My reflecion sometimes frightens me. I am not the father that I hoped to be, yet my partriachal blessing tells me that I will have children. I have not written and made my living from writing like I wanted to, and yet my patriarchal blessing says that I will receive the basics of life from following after the profession that is in my  heart. I was supposed to be part of higher callings in the church and a helper in bringing people back to the church, but that really hasn't manifested itself, at least not like I had expected. I was supposed to be blessed to heal people with the powers of the priesthood, but I was never once asked by Pea to give her a blessing of healing or comfort. What happened? What did I do wrong? Had I become unworthy and had all my predicated blessings disavowed? I thought about the temple, and why it hasn't been a big effort on my part to get back there, to have a temple recommend and worship inside the temple walls again.
     Who I was and who I am today has certainly become festered. I don't have my old child love of the gospel and I fight constantly with my desires to be set in my own ways. I mean today I was supposed to clean the apartment and sort of organize things, but instead I just sat on my ass and watched two movies on TV. 
     I am reminded of that scripture in 2nd Nephi: Oh wretched man I am! So easily beset by temptation. But I want to do better. I want to get back to the child within me, when I was excited about living the gospel. 
     Okay, that's enough regret. This is supposed to be a postive accounting of what happened today. During Elder's Quorum we discussed a talk from Elder Ballard about being anxiously engaged in a good cause. In the discussion between quorum members, I mentioned that it was necessary to distinguish work we did as either quantitative or qualitative, and of course aspire towards giving work/sevice that is more qualitative and less quantitative.
     Though this is easier said than done. What good did I do today? I went to church and participated in the lessons. I went to my storage to look for my partriarchal blessing, but I couldn't find it. I thought to vist Tina and chat with her. It had been awhile, and it was rumored that they would be moving soon. Yet, I didn't visit her. I had my reasons, but I wish it didn't have to be so.

Oh that regret's coming back. I should of done better.

I should of done better,
I should of been better,
Said what I meant to say
And listen to the speaker,
And not merely hear it.

I should of listened to the Spirit,
Not fear it,
More than man.
I should of believed that I can,
And not doubt that I could.

But if I could, I would
Take a second chance
To good advance
And actually go and do
What I know to be true.

I am a child of God
I am a writer
I am creative
I am a friend
And I am worthy.

Only need I believe
And I will do better
And be better;
I will say what is meant to be said
And speak to those who will listen.